I am in a War

It’s that time of year once again for me, when I enjoy the beauty of the turning of the seasons, the cool crisp air of an autumn night, the entertainment of weekend football games with my family, and the one event that sets the tone for my entire year: the silent prayer retreat. It has become an annual pilgrimage that I have so prioritized that literally, the only way I would miss it would be due to the death of a loved one. This year however, feels much different. The past year has been one of my most challenging as a believer. At times, it has felt as if I have lost my way and I have done nothing more than spin my wheels in the mud. A part of me feels emptier than I ever have before. Feelings of discouragement, hopelessness, and defeat have haunted me almost daily. And yet, I realize something about all of this. I AM IN A WAR. If you were to ask me, “How is the battle going?” I would honesty confess that it feels as if I have lost some ground this year-----in fact I know I have. As a husband, a father, a minister, and a believer, I have certainly not met my own expectations as to what I have desired to become this year. A closer examination of my life would perhaps even be more troubling as honesty would require me to confess that I have not met the Lord’s expectations in the roles He has privileged me with. But then again, I AM IN A WAR!

War doesn’t always play out in the way we strategize it in our minds. There are certain causalities along the way. Despite being well armed and equipped, having all we need to defeat our enemy, we still experience the effects of the war. It’s tiring. It’s frustrating. It’s discouraging. It’s unpredictable. As the war rages on, we do grow weary and that’s where the greatest danger for us exists. I think of the prophet Elijah, who battled the god of his culture on Mount Carmel, decisively defeating his enemy, only to find himself retreating to the wilderness wanting to die (1 Kings 19:3-4). David in all of his conquests decided he had enough as well. Instead of marching on as the commander and chief of Israel’s army, he remained secure in his palace abode-----which began the decline of his kingdom via a series of poor choices that followed (1 Samuel 11:1-4). It’s not uncommon for God’s people to want to throw in the towel and walk away from the battlefield; yet, we seldom think of the consequences in giving up the fight. For Elijah, God’s response was simple: “…anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet” (1 Kings 19:16). In other words, “Go get your replacement!” The irony for David was that the very thing he sought refuge from----the battlefield---would now become the defining picture of his future kingdom: “…the sword will never depart from your house...” (2 Samuel 12:10). What we too often fail to realize, that in those moments when we want to escape from the battle, we may be making things worse for ourselves and forfeiting the rightful blessings that the Lord has prepared for our lives. I believe this is what Paul had in mind when he wrote, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9). I would further Paul’s thought in submitting, that either way, we will reap a harvest from our decision of pressing on or giving up. One will bring us to a place of abundance and the other will bring us to a place of desolation. One thing, however, remains true. As long as we remain here on this earth, the war will never leave us. We only have the choice of being active participants or unwilling bystanders.

So how do I know I am still an active participant in this war? Because I have one important resource that is too often overshadowed by all of that which I do not have: I HAVE DESIRE!  I STILL HAVE THE DESIRE TO GO AFTER GOD AND BE ALL THAT HE HAS CALLED ME TO BE. That’s what this weekend is about for me. It’s a time to recharge and renew my commitment. It’s my opportunity to re-equip myself for the battles that I am certain to face. I have learned to no longer worry about how the retreat will impact my future or the changes that I will try to institute as a result of being there; rather, I simply want to cultivate a deeper desire for the Lord. As long as I have desire, I have the drive to continue the fight. As long as I have desire, I can always find a place of refuge in the war without giving up the fight. Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). Yes, the war is real. Yes, it is filled with trials and pain. But in the greater picture of this lifelong battle, is a God, who if we have the desire to know Him and seek Him, has promised to lighten the burden of our conflicts and walk along side of us bearing the brunt of the assaults upon us. I am in a war, but I am not alone. I am in a war, but I can find rest. I am in a war, but I already have the victory. As long as I have the desire to know Christ more, I will not and cannot be defeated, because He has promised that He will remain with me every step of the way.