A Heartfelt Confession

It has been over six months since I have last posted on this blog and I have no excuses to cite in addressing my lack of commitment to that which I have set out to do other than my apathy. We all get lazy from time to time. We all have periods of time in our lives when discouragements and challenges in daily life affect our levels of motivation to accomplish the things we truly desire to do. Unfortunately, for me, discouragement has lingered over my life and has caused me to withdraw and neglect the things I know I have been called to do. It’s not that I’m coming out and saying that for the last six months I have been living in “sin,” but I have been living in a dangerous place where my life has been more dictated by the prodding of my flesh rather than the power of the Spirit within me. Strangely, it’s not that I have gravitated toward a mentality of worldliness or fleshliness; instead, I’ve developed an attitude that has embraced defeat and discouragement as my lot in life. I think of David in 2 Samuel 11 laying aside his “calling” as King and choosing to remain secluded on a rooftop on his palace. Whether or not he was tired or depressed can be debated, but one thing is certain, for this moment in his life he was not living as the person God intended him to be. The results were devastating. He went from the “man after God’s own heart” to an adulterer, liar, and murderer. If he had only went to war and went through “one more battle” perhaps a greater blessing that he had never known would have been his to behold. 
 

Looking back on these last six months, I know that I have missed blessings because I have failed to fight through my discouragement and depression. I have made myself so small in my eyes not realizing that I am more than a “king” in the eyes of God…I am a son of the God over all the universe! And while He allows me to go through these trials and pains that come with living in a depraved and marred world, He has also given me everything I need to fight every battle I face if I would simply continue on in what He has called me to do. I confess to all who are reading this that I have strayed and have failed my Lord and King. I have not lived as the person He has called me to be. I have fallen short of His glory; yet, I also know that “my Redeemer lives” (Job 19:25) and that if I will allow Him, He will make me “more than a conqueror” (Romans 8:27) and live in such a way where “His grace is sufficient and His power is perfected in my weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). I am being called out of this dark night into a marvelous light where I can begin to be who God has destined me to be. Fear, discouragement, and temptation will certainly continue to come my way; however, they do not have to dictate the life I have been called to live. Today is a new day and the “life I live…I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me” (Galatians 2:20). No more wandering on the rooftop of the palace of my discouragement and pain. It’s time to once again go to war and fight my battles knowing that “no weapon formed against me shall prosper” (Isaiah 54:17) and walk in the victory that is rightfully mine because I have made myself fully His.